5 Toxic Nigerian Parenting Rules We Need to Stop

Our parents raised us using the rules they learned, but some of these rules aren’t healthy. Nigerian parenting comes with strict ideas passed down from one generation to another, often causing more harm than good. 

It’s time we recognise them and choose better ways to raise children. 

Here are five toxic Nigerian parenting rules that should end:

1. Children Should Be Seen, Not HeardIn many Nigerian homes, children must stay quiet and never question adults. They hear things like, “Keep quiet!” or “Who asked you?” This teaches kids their feelings and opinions don’t matter. When children can’t express themselves, they grow into adults who find it hard to speak up or stand up for themselves.

A Better Approach: Allow children to share their thoughts respectfully. Teach them how to express themselves rather than punishing them for having opinions.

2. If You’re Not First, You’re a FailureNigerian parents often push their kids to always be the best. Anything less than top grades leads to harsh criticism. This intense pressure makes kids anxious and afraid of failure. It can lead to cheating, perfectionism, and feeling they’re never good enough.

A Better Approach: Celebrate your child’s efforts, not just their results. Learning and improvement matter more than perfect grades.

3. Beating as DisciplineMany Nigerian parents use physical punishment, believing it teaches discipline. They often say things like, “My parents did it, and I turned out fine.” However, constant beating can cause trauma and fear, rather than understanding and growth. Children may learn to hide their mistakes instead of correcting them.

A Better Approach: Use non-violent methods to correct children. Explain mistakes calmly and help them understand right from wrong.

4. Children as Retirement PlansIn Nigerian families, parents often expect children to financially support them later in life, reminding them of all they’ve done. This expectation creates pressure on children to choose careers and lives that please parents rather than following their own dreams.

A Better Approach: Let children pursue their passions. If they choose to support parents later, it should come from love and gratitude, not guilt or obligation.

5. Parents Never ApologizeMany Nigerian parents never admit when they are wrong, believing it weakens their authority. This teaches children that authority figures don’t make mistakes, creating resentment and anger.

A Better Approach: Parents should lead by example and apologize when they’re wrong. This helps children learn accountability and respect.