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This article is part of Dry January, Straight Up, your no-BS guide to cutting out alcohol for 31 days—or longer. SELF will be publishing new articles for this series throughout January. Read more here.
Work happy hours, boozy brunches, festive bar crawls—the drinking scene has never been my thing. But my polite “Nah, I’m good” or clearly water-filled glass almost always spark a chain of assumptions (and perhaps some judgment too): Is something terribly wrong? Do I have a secret health problem? Am I…pregnant? The anticlimactic truth is…I simply don’t like alcohol.
Even the fanciest espresso martini tastes terrible to me. Not to mention, one tequila shot makes my entire face flush bright red and feel like it’s on fire (thanks, Asian glow)—not exactly anyone’s idea of a good time. I know these are all perfectly good reasons to turn down a cocktail, but still, I’ve found it really hard to just…say that. Instead, I’ve fallen back on awkward half-truths or accepting the damn glass of wine (and begrudgingly sipping).
Regardless of why, owning your decision to go booze-free (whether for one night, a few months, or forever) is definitely a process, Annalyse Lucero, LMFT, a licensed therapist based in Albuquerque, tells SELF. While trends like the sober-curious movement and Dry January have helped normalize sobriety as a socially acceptable choice in a liquor-loving culture, “the discomfort around ordering a mocktail or saying no isn’t always about the alcohol itself,” Lucero says. “Oftentimes it’s more about the challenge of setting boundaries without feeling guilt and fear about disappointing others.” (Maybe you’re worried about seeming uptight or “less fun” around your tipsy colleagues, for instance. Or you dread standing out with your empty hand.)
Whatever the reason, I get it if you’re not quite ready to confidently reply, “No, thanks! Stop asking!” To make those boozy situations less nerve-wracking, we’ve put together a mix of direct responses and more witty excuses for when you just want to shut down follow-ups and enjoy your sparkling water in peace.
1. “Actually, I’m good with this mocktail.”It’s easy to feel out of place (then succumb to peer pressure) when everyone around you is double-fisting Champagne glasses. “Naturally some people might call you out simply because they notice you don’t have a drink in your hand,” Lucero says. An easy fix? Hold something—it doesn’t have to be alcohol. (Think Coke, sparkling water with lime, or a tasty mocktail that looks like a real one.)
Let’s say someone does catch on to the fact that your cup is alcohol-free. Come on, let’s take shots! Then, casually assert that you’re perfectly happy with what you’ve got, Lucero says. It’s a simple, nonconfrontational way to stand your ground and avoid unnecessary back-and-forth.
2. “I’m really trying to save money right now.”In today’s economy, we can all probably agree that cocktails, vodka shots, even draft beers can feel like a major splurge. So leaning into this financial reality isn’t just super relatable—it’s also a legitimately solid reason most people won’t push back on, Sasha Hamdani, MD, a board-certified psychiatrist based in Kansas City, Missouri, tells SELF. (And if someone is pressuring you to cough up $20 for one drink? Well, that’s probably not someone worth trying to please anyway.)
One caveat to keep in mind, though: This excuse might not fly if you’re with generous friends who inconveniently insist on picking up the tab or covering your round. If that’s the case, consider pivoting to one of the many other responses below that might better fit your particular situation.
3. “I have to get up early tomorrow.”What exactly you’re waking up for is totally up to you, Amanda White, LPC, LMHC, owner of Therapy for Women Center in Philadelphia and author of Not Drinking Tonight: A Guide to Creating a Sober Life You Love, tells SELF. If you’re stuck at a Thursday happy hour, maybe it’s tomorrow’s high-stakes 8 a.m. meeting you need to prep for. Or on the weekend, a Sunday morning yoga class you’re already committed to—and don’t want to show up hungover for.
The best part about this option is how easily it can be customized to fit your lifestyle and what’s most realistic for you, White says. Just be prepared to stand your ground—especially if someone argues that “one drink can’t possibly hurt.”
4. “I’m driving after this.”A classic, but for good reason. “Most people will respect and understand that you’re prioritizing the safety of yourself and others,” Lucero says, which can help you avoid unwanted judgment. Keep in mind, this might not work if you Ubered to the event or if you know your problem-solving BFF will offer to drive you home. Generally though, Lucero explains that it’s much easier for others to accept your no when it’s tied to something universally respected and nonnegotiable like, uh, not drinking and driving.
5. “I’m not supposed to drink with the meds I’m taking right now.”You don’t need to dive into the nitty-gritty of your gross, made-up symptoms (unless you’re down to be extra dramatic), or memorize a list of specific meds that can’t be mixed with alcohol. (If you really want to cover your bases, blame antidepressants, painkillers, antibiotics, or Ibuprofen.)
According to Dr. Hamdani, “Most people won’t pry into the details of your imaginary diagnosis.” And honestly, anyone who tries to push back on Doctor’s Orders or nudges you to have one little sip risks coming off as insensitive or worse—like they don’t care about your well-being.
6. “I’m trying to cut back.”Maybe you’re participating in Dry January to improve your health in the New Year. Or you’re using it as an opportunity to reassess your relationship with alcohol (like if you’ve been using it to numb out or facilitate your social life).
Whatever the reason, it’s nobody’s business but your own, which is why White recommends going with something short, sweet, and simple like this. And in the case that a well-meaning but intrusive loved one presses for more, a quick, “Oh, it’s personal, and I’d rather not get into it right now” should end those speculations pretty fast—unless you’re comfortable getting into the specifics.
7. “I have reallyyy bad diarrhea.”If you’re set on making sure no one even considers handing you a boozy beverage (by any means necessary), Dr. Hamdani is all for getting as graphic as you need—and blaming explosive diarrhea will definitely do the trick. Think: “That’s a tempting offer, but I’d be glued to the toilet all night if I had one,” or “I’ve been having, uh, bathroom problems lately, so, I’d probably be in diapers after drinking that!”
In case you didn’t know, it’s true that alcohol can make some people shit their brains out (ew). Chances are, no one wants you to be the party pooper (literally), which is why this type of uncomfortably candid confession remains one of Dr. Hamdani’s personal favorites. “I cannot imagine a single counterargument to this one,” she says. (For a milder alternative, you can also try something like, “My stomach hurts and can’t handle alcohol right now,” which White says gets the point across without getting too detailed.)
8. “Ugh, I hate how alcohol makes me feel.”Want to make sure your no lands smoothly without raising eyebrows or triggering intrusive questions? Make sure it’s something most people can easily relate to, Dr. Hamdani says—and there’s nothing more familiar than a throbbing, pulsing headache, say, or queasy nausea lots of us experience after downing too many glugs of red wine. Plus, when you’re blaming a physical reaction (something you genuinely can’t control), it’s way harder for others to push you into drinking or to judge your decision, she adds.
9. “Nah, I’m good.”Just cut to the chase! While elaborate white lies or long-winded explanations might seem like easy escapes, relying on them too often can backfire. “Sometimes we feel like we need to come up with ‘better’ or more ‘acceptable’ excuses for not drinking, instead of sticking to the boundary we’ve set for ourselves,” White says, adding that this can reinforce the idea that you owe people an explanation for your choices. (But the truth is, choosing to abstain is just as valid as choosing to drink.)
Being upfront about your sobriety doesn’t mean you have to be defensive or curt, though. To get your point across politely while also avoiding tension, Dr. Hamdani recommends keeping your response short and straightforward and redirecting the conversation back to them with something like “I’m good, but what are you drinking?”
Remember, no is a complete sentence—one that’s worth normalizing and embracing. There’s no need to apologize or overexplain: You’re setting clear limits about your lifestyle and encouraging others to respect them—end of story.
Related:
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