Grief and Loss: When a Child Dies

When a child dies, it creates deep sadness and complex emotions that the parents must endure. Regardless of the child’s age, such a loss leaves a profound void in the lives of the parents. While no child deserves to die young, tragically, some do due to circumstances beyond our control.

Now, the parents must find ways to cope with their loss. This situation can impact their marriage, sometimes leading to divorce or separation.

Let us focus on the experiences of two Nigerian families: Mr and Mrs Emeka Nwachukwu and Tolu Adedotun. Each of these parents faced the heartbreaking loss of their children under tragic circumstances.

Through their stories, we see the strength of the human spirit and the need for empathy and support in times of profound sadness.

Real-life stories

Mr and Mrs Emeka Nwachukwu were heartbroken when their three-year-old daughter, who wasn’t eating well, got very sick. They took her to the hospital where she was treated for a bacterial infection. Sadly, after treatment went wrong and caused severe reactions, she passed away from what doctors later said was a complication of pneumonia. This all happened during the COVID-19 lockdown, making it even harder for the parents to cope with their deep loss in such a quiet, lonely time. 

On Christmas, while opening gifts, Tolu Adedotun suddenly needed to go to the hospital because she was about to have her baby early. Most of the hospital staff were off for the holiday, so she had to find another place quickly. After some treatment, Uche had surgery on December 28, 2017.

She remembers holding her baby for the first time after the birth, not knowing it would be the last. Later that day, she felt pain and thought her baby was hungry. But when her cousin and a doctor came in and cleared the room, they sadly told her that her baby had passed away due to breathing problems.

Ways parents can deal with the loss of a child

Allow Yourself to Grieve: There is no “right” way to grieve, and emotions can range from shock and disbelief to profound sadness and anger. Allow yourself to feel these emotions without judgment.

Seek Support: Connect with supportive friends, family, or grief support groups where you can share your feelings and experiences. Being around others who understand what you’re going through can be incredibly comforting.

Professional Help: Consider seeing a therapist or counsellor who specialises in grief. They can offer strategies to help you cope with your loss and work through your emotions in a safe environment.

Memorialise Your Child: Creating a memorial or a ritual to honour your child can provide a sense of legacy and comfort. This could be through planting a tree, setting up a scholarship in their name, or simply keeping their memory alive in conversations and family stories.

Take Care of Yourself: Grief can tremendously affect your physical and mental health. Try to maintain a routine that includes proper nutrition, sleep, and some physical activity. It’s okay to take time for yourself and recognise when you’re pushing too hard.