‘I was celibate for seven years after I hit rock bottom

After a family tragedy led her to alcohol, a single mum embraced celibacy for seven years and is now celebrating nearly a decade of sobriety with a total life transformation.

Anna Jasper, 40, from Portsmouth, faced the loss of her mother 11 years ago this month and admits she “didn’t cope well”, turning to drink as a crutch. In an exclusive chat, Anna shares, “I had always been a drinker, but I turned into a full-blown alcoholic.”

She described her past struggles, saying, “I was really depressed, suicidal and eating a lot, so my weight doubled – it was all in about a year. I was a very, very miserable person, unfortunately.”

Reaching her lowest point, Anna decided to turn her life around: “I was in the abyss of misery, and after hitting rock bottom, I decided to get sober.”

‘I just got rid of everything, all the bad people in my life’
(Image: Handout)

Anna embarked on her journey to sobriety on 7 December 2015, making sweeping changes in her life. “I just got rid of everything, all the bad people in my life, drink, drugs and men. I just thought I needed to concentrate on myself and my child.”

Her son, who was born in 2009, became a focal point in her recovery. Her dedication to sobriety and self-improvement paid off, as she not only improved her mental and physical health but also strengthened her bond with her son. Along the way, Anna impressively shed seven stone.

The transformative journey also led Anna to ditch sex and relationships altogether, although she admits this was never a deliberate choice, but rather a natural progression of focusing on herself. “Celibacy was really great for me mentally and emotionally because it meant I could just concentrate on myself without having any men in the mix,” she explains.

“The celibacy wasn’t planned. I’d never considered it to end or to carry on – it was just a thing that was going on.”

Anna found that men could often be a distracting influence, and before she knew it, seven years had passed without any romantic entanglements. She reflects on the period of her life, saying, “It just wasn’t on my radar whatsoever, and it didn’t even occur to me to look at men and consider letting anyone into my life in any way.”

Reflecting on becoming sober while also being celibate, she tells us, “It was just a very long, slow process of coming out of that, and there were lots of ups and downs, steps forward and backwards.

The 40 year old has been sober for almost ten years
(Image: Handout)

“I had to really learn to actually love myself, because going through all the depression and the alcoholism, you do things that you’re not proud of. You don’t like yourself, and there’s a lot of shame and guilt around everything.

“I had to learn to forgive myself, and it really was a journey of learning to love myself. The next step was to be confident enough to show it off to people.

“By the end of it, I felt great. I then got into a training program and got nutrition advice and toned up my body.”

Anna found a fresh burst of confidence and decided to attend a group photoshoot to flaunt her newly slimmed-down figure. Initially considering a fitness career, it was standing in front of the lens that sparked her journey into modelling.

“I loved it so much, and it kicked off a whole new part of my life. I met new people, and that was when men came back on the radar,” she recalls.

Feeling fabulous about herself, Anna’s self-assurance blossomed. “I was feeling so good about myself. I was confident, and I was feeling like a much more solid person on the whole. Me and my son had a great relationship by this point, ” she adds.

After a seven-year hiatus from sex and romance, Anna’s celibacy concluded in November 2022 when she met someone new. Although the fling was brief, she describes it as “eye-opening” and a turning point for allowing men into her life again.

“He was older than me, so he was quite self-assured and confident in himself, which really helped me learn to embrace that,” Anna reveals. “And that was the first time I ever had sober sex, so that was a revelation to me as well.”

‘Sober sex is absolutely the best way to do it’
(Image: Handout)

Elaborating on the experience, Anna enthuses, “I would never choose anything else now at all – sober sex is absolutely the best way to do it.”

She reflects on her past, saying, “I realised I always used to have sex drunk because I wasn’t confident, and I didn’t love myself or was scared of my performance. It was really unfulfilling, and at the time, I didn’t know what I wanted in the bedroom, and I had such low self-esteem.

“During drunk sex, I always used to focus on them, making sure they were having a good time, but sober sex, I’m about me. I want a good time, it’s so completely different, and he showed me how to enjoy myself, and I will forever be grateful to him.

“I was fully present and fully experiencing it rather than worrying about it.”

Following her journey of celibacy, Anna has embraced a fresh perspective on intimacy, sharing, “I have a good relationship with sex now, I don’t feel any pressure, and the connection has to be more mental now, brain goes before libido.

“I approach it from a place of good self-esteem and confidence, and I know when it feels right or not.

“I’m strong enough now that if ever it doesn’t feel right, I’m just like, ‘no, sorry’. I don’t feel any pressure anymore to do things I don’t want to do.”

Anna has teamed up with Lovehoney for their Mama Sutra e-book, a guide to help other mums when it comes to intimacy
(Image: Alexandra Cameron/Lovehoney)

She adds, “I haven’t met anyone I’d want to introduce to my son yet, but sex is more in-depth and rewarding now. It’s just getting better and better.”

Anna confidently concludes, “I’m now at a stage where I’m just like, this is me, and if you don’t like it, that’s not a problem. Nobody’s going to be liked by literally everybody – that’s not possible, and that’s absolutely great. I’ll just be me now – it’s very empowering in that way.”

Anna, giving some advice to fellow mums on maintaining intimacy, says, “Stay true to yourself at all times. Have boundaries and enforce them. Have confidence, and don’t put pressure on things. Just enjoy those interactions, and it’s okay to be alone.”

For parents looking to reignite the spark, Lovehoney has launched The Mama Sutra eBook (https://www.lovehoney.co.uk/trends-insights/mama-sutra.html) – a guide full of expert tips, practical advice, and relatable mum stories about navigating intimacy through pregnancy and beyond.