‘I wasn’t bonding with my baby

As per NHS data, up to one in five women grapple with mental health concerns such as depression or anxiety during pregnancy or within the first year post-childbirth.

Laura Guckian found herself admitted to a psychiatric hospital merely 10 months after welcoming her son Leo into the world. “My world was falling apart, and I quite literally fell apart,” the 39-year-old shares with us.

She gave birth to Leo back in 2016, right at the height of her marketing career in Dublin and shortly after saying ‘I do’ to her husband, Brendan Guckian, who’s now 38.

“Life was amazing and everything I heard about becoming a mum was, ‘This is going to be the best time of your life,’ so I was really excited,” she recalls. “But nothing about what I thought motherhood should look or feel like matched my reality. I felt like the worst mum in the world and carried extreme guilt.”

“The first three days of motherhood, I was bawling my eyes out, feeling like a failure. I thought, ‘I’m doing it wrong – there must be something deeply wrong with me,’ I didn’t understand why motherhood felt so hard and I felt completely alone. Health professionals say that if you’re struggling with your mental health, which I so clearly was at the time, it impacts bonding. I was led to believe”, reports the Mirror.

Laura Guckianm admitted herself to a psychiatric hospital just 10 months after her son Leo was born
(Image: www.elishaclarke.com)

‘Screaming’ for help and support “I couldn’t see anyone else who looked like me. Everywhere I looked on social media, there were happy mums. Nobody was talking about the fact that they couldn’t bring their baby for a walk or, like me, couldn’t leave the house with my baby – he was so unwell with silent reflux– so that feeling just got worse and worse.”

Laura’s mental health deteriorated significantly after childbirth. “It escalated to the point where, when Leo was 10 months old, I became so mentally unwell I admitted myself into a psychiatric hospital,” she shares.

Feeling initially at peace with her decision, Laura adds: “I was actually quite happy to be in hospital and I think it’s really important to be honest about that,” she admits. “Before I went in, I was completely exhausted, I was screaming for help and support. Suddenly,I found myself in a situation where there was a team of people mothering me and it was great – I wanted to be mothered.”

Yet, as time wore on, Laura’s spirits dimmed as frustration grew. “Nobody could tell me why I was in there,” she recalls.

“It wasn’t postnatal depression, which they initially thought, so there was no clarity. I didn’t seem to be getting the support I needed to feel better. On top of that, there was this cluster of other women there who were thinking, ‘We don’t know why we’re here. We don’t have a diagnosis.’ All of those women were mothers.”

Laura Guckianm struggled with being a parent

In need of support Reflecting on the ordeal, Laura shared: “Looking back now, we were just having a very normal response to that transition to motherhood, but without the support we needed, so it escalated. One day, the realisation hit, I fell to the floor crying and a nurse came in and said, ‘You’re safe, it’s OK, you can talk to us.’ And that was the moment I acknowledged what was happening. I was actually in a psychiatric hospital. It hadn’t fully registered until that point, and I thought, ‘How did I get to this?'”

Laura had been evaluated at a private psychiatric hospital in Dublin and was deemed not to be a risk to herself or anyone else, allowing her to return home occasionally. Her son and husband could also visit, which Laura describes as “really devastating”, adding, “That’s not how it’s supposed to be – it felt really unnatural.”

She spent roughly two months in the hospital before being discharged without any clear understanding of what had happened to her. Returning home became the most challenging part of her recovery.

“It took about three years to rebuild my life, and I’m not going to sugar-coat it – it was really hard as I was very unwell,” Laura admits. “I was doing the therapy, yoga and exercise, and none of it was working. It wasn’t until I took back control and found what worked for me that things improved.”

In 2017, the family relocated from Dublin to Laura’s hometown, Tipperary, and she also decided to step away from her marketing career.

Reflecting on her journey, she firmly believes that with the right support, she wouldn’t have needed to admit herself to the psychiatric hospital. “I firmly believe I didn’t need to be in there – if there had been more open conversations about how hard motherhood can be, if people were more honest and if there was more meaningful support available that could have intervened before it got to that level,” she shares.

“Unfortunately, there was no other support, and it escalated. Women are at their most vulnerable from a psychological perspective when they become mums and many current support frameworks don’t recognise that.”

Laura’s experience is not unique. Chelsea Robinson, a motherhood therapist and matrescence coach [the process of becoming a mother], reveals, “One in five mothers experience a postpartum mood and anxiety disorder, and suicide is the most common cause of maternal deaths.”

So much of becoming and being a mother can feel shaming, as if there is something wrong with you, that you are inadequate somehow. “According to NHS figures, over 57,000 new and expectant mums have received specialist support for mental health issues as of May 2024, marking an increase of a third compared to 2022.

Moreover, research from the Royal College of Midwives reported that 10 to 20% of women develop a mental illness during pregnancy or within the first year of having a baby. “The world of psychology tends to be very child-centred and we can often overlook the mother in her own right, instead focusing only on maternal health as it relates to her child,” Chelsea points out. “The mother matters too – her mental health, wellbeing and happiness.

Her maternal development matters, as does her child’s. Just as much as a mother’s mental health can negatively impact her baby’s development, her happiness is also a predictor of her child’s well-being.

“Despite facing numerous hurdles, Laura has flourished, expanding her family and retraining to become a motherhood coach and expert in maternal mental wellbeing. She’s now a proud mum to three: Leo, eight, Alex, five, and Anna, three. Reflecting on her journey, she made a life-changing vow.”

During my worst moment in the hospital, I made a promise to myself that if I ever figure out why I ended up in here and if I can ever put my life back together, I want to do everything I can to ensure no other mother ever feels like this,” she declares.

Onwards and upwards This powerful commitment inspired Laura to set up Mind Mommy Coaching nearly four years ago, which has since empowered over 4,000 mums to embrace positive mental wellbeing. “It is dedicated to educating mothers on the challenges of motherhood and giving them the tools to navigate them so they can move into their happier chapter of motherhood,” Laura explains. Passionate about raising awareness for maternal mental health, Laura embarked on a research project.

“Maternal mental health research I conducted in 2023 with 2,000 mums across Ireland and the UK found 92% of them said they’ve struggled with their mental health since becoming a mum and 86% had increased anxiety,” she reveals.

In an effort to provide solace to struggling mums, Laura hosts the podcast Momfessions. She encourages listeners to share their unspoken thoughts or feelings about motherhood, aiming to normalise these emotions and offer support and advice. Laura shares, “So many mums I support have these really high expectations to parent a certain way that are unrealistic and unsustainable, that nobody can achieve.

The biggest thing that supports maternal mental health is recognising you’re not alone and you are not doing it wrong.

The guilt women feel to ‘enjoy every moment’ is immense. The biggest challenge is the pressure that we face and the expectation to do it all. I really do believe this is the biggest obstacle facing our generation of mothers.”

For more information about Laura’s motherhood coaching and podcast, check out @MindMommyCoaching on Instagram and podfollow.com/momfessions. For Chelsea’s therapy, visit thematricentricway.com.