John I walk into a fancy restaurant in Lagos today, and I spot this girl, eating and clicking away on her iPhone. I walk up to chyke her and the following conversation ensues between us:
Me: Hey there, Pretty lady. How’re you doing?
Her: *ignores me and continues eating and chatting on her phone*
Me: Babe, why ignoring me na? We can talk and get to know each other at least… *taps the chair beside her*… Can I sit here?
Her: *keeps on ignoring me*
Me: *sit down anyway. Touches her* Babe, look at me. I’m the one talking to you.
Her: *Looks up at me angrily* And who are you? How dare you touch me?
Me: Sorry! I just wanted to get your attention. Babe, what is your name?
Her: See, I’m not your class… *taps her handbag*… This handbag is 500K. You can’t afford it. I’m a classy girl who deals with rich men. You’re probably a mechanic who has dreams of being a banker or, at most, a musician.
Me: Banker? Musician? No! I dream of being a billionaire, like my father. You don’t have to insult me to reject me… *gets up to leave*
Her: Wait! Come back, please.
Me: *sits down again*
Her: Did you say you want to be a billionaire, like your father?
Me: Yes.
Her: Wow! I’m sorry for being rude earlier. Would you like to eat anything?
Me: *taps my pocket* I’m sorry, I forgot my card at home.
Her: No problem. Order. Bills on me.
Me: Really?
Her: Yes. Order, I’ll pay.
*I order and order and the waiter fills the table with plates of assorted meals*
Her: *pats my back as I bite on the chicken laps* Chew slowly, Babe. *feeds me a cup of chivita juice*
*After I’m done eating, the waiter brought the bill*
Waiter: Your bill is 67,200.
Her: *hands the waiter her card and pays*
Me: Thank you for that! I’m full.
Her: So, earlier you said you want to become a billionaire, like your father?
Me: Yes, that’s right.
Her: Okay. So, what do you do?
Me: I distribute bottled water.
Her: Wow! Your father built a water company for you?
Me: No! I’m just one of their distributors on a monthly salary. I even came to distribute some here.
Her: Wait, I don’t get it. You mean you’re not the owner of the company? But you said your father is a billionaire.
Me: No. I said I want to be a billionaire like him. He wants to be a billionaire, too.
Her:🥴🥴🥴
GIPHY App Key not set. Please check settings